I was raised "white". I don't look much like any one's stereotype of a minority. I have an Irish last name. I was raised in Virginia and have a slight Virginia accent. However, my grandfather on my mother's side was from Bolivia with the surname "de Luna". Officially the United States says I am a minority.
This diary by leftilicious inspired me to write my thoughts on the subject since I too am raising a child born to a race different than mine.
The start of my adult thinking on the subject of race was an article I read in the 80's. The essence of the article, published in the Utne Reader was that a first step to rejecting racism was to refuse to accept the designation of "white". (Sorry I don't have a link. The article was printed in the 80's and Utne's online archives only go back to 1995). The contention of the author was that "White" is not a race at all and only is used to designate those who have been accepted into the highest classification of our society.
The article referenced how the Irish and other "races" became white. Accepting "whiteness" and trying for a colorblind society is to ignore hereditary and cultural differences. In other words accepting "white" creates two classes; whites and minorities (everyone else). A colorblind society is one in which we are all "white" and means we all get to be at the top of the food chain. The author contended that we need to stop ignoring our differences and pretending we are all the same and rather embrace our differences. By rejecting "whiteness" we become part of the kaleidoscope of people we humans are. Whether or not the article is completely valid or not it got me thinking.
So, I began to reject being white and call myself Hispanic. The first thing that happened when I began this was people denied it. My "white" (sorry for the annoying quotes around white; but, I never have quite given up the idea of rejecting white.) friends told me, "You're not Hispanic, you're white." When I claim around other Hispanics that I am Hispanic I always am somewhat nervous. -Though I have never had any of them tell me I'm not Hispanic, I sense curious looks. It's a strange sensation rejecting the designation people give me and not feeling any real sense of belonging with the group I now claim association. How powerful are the bonds of racism that hold us to a certain class and expect certain traits in other classes.
This is all just a bit of a prologue. I now am married and have two daughters. My oldest who, like me, is "officially" Hispanic; but, is being raised similar to the way I was. People think she is "white". My youngest daughter was born in Korea. No one takes her for "white"; but, she is accepted and loved by her family and our friends.
First and foremost in my mind is my younger daughter. It tears me apart that no matter what I do, know matter how strong she is (and believe me she is a strong willed child) she will have her heart broken and her spirit tried because racism is a fact or our lives.
Sociology points out statistically significant differences in classes of people. Like it or not there are significant differences in such things as education level achieved, income, incarceration rates, infant mortality rates, etc., etc. The racist in us all says, "look there really are difference between races!", our conscience tells us that this indicates that racism is alive and well and is destroying peoples lives. Clearly some people have to struggle more than others to get to the same goal. How can we address these systemic problems and move toward a world where either everyone is "white" (colorblind society) or where all races valued (Rainbow society)?
Back to the personal issue of my daughter, I could try to instill in her that she should stand up to racism; that people who discriminate against her because of how she looks are wrong and she can and should confront them. She shouldn't let anyone treat her differently because of how she looks... While this has an innate appeal to the idea that truth will win out it ignores the state of the world she lives in. Again, racism is inherent in the system. I've been told that this reaction is also a very "white" way of dealing with racism. "Whites" are supported by the system. When you are white, the police really do protect you, people don't look at you wonder how you made your money if you drive BMW or Mercedes, shops and offices treat you with respect (More so if you are also male; but, that's another related diary),...
On the other hand, I could tell her that the world is the way it is and it's not going to change in her lifetime so she should know in her heart that it is wrong and work to change it where she can; but, accept that racism is a fact of life... While this is realistic, it is also defeatist and somewhat hopeless. How can I teach her to have no hope?
I once heard a social worker who specialized in multi-racial families say that minority children growing up with minorities learn survival skills in dealing with racism and practice them growing up with their families. They are prepared for racism when they leave the nest. In contrast, minority children growing up with "white" families are often accepted into the parents circle (friends, family and neighborhood) and feel no different than anyone else... Until they leave the family. All of a sudden in a world outside of their nest they are broadsided by people judging them by what their looks. They find themselves completely alone. It torments me that my daughter may go through this. Her acceptance and "whiteness" will be stripped. She will be painfully aware that her "white" family has no experience from which she can draw comfort. She won't even have the comfort of other members of her race since she grew up "white".
I struggle daily with how to let my daughter know how special and wonderful she is and also to try, in a way that I know will be totally inadequate, to prepare her for what she will face.
Racism seems to be somehow ingrained in our mechanism for defining who is our "tribe" and who isn't. This may have been a necessary survival skill thousands of years ago. Today it is tearing us apart. -Especially in a country as wonderfully diverse as ours. Our "tribe" has grown far larger than what we seem to be able to accept. We confuse culture with physical characteristics. We see differences as inferiorities or worse, something subversive.
At some level, we are all racist. How do we accept that and move past it? Where do we go from here? Individually and as a society?